Vicissitudes

Riley is back to normal.  We have one week until his Doctor appointment but all going from his attitude, I think all will be okay.

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I added a few new photos from the summer over at paterek.us.  Not too many.  They are the last ones under Summer Fun 09.

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Today we went to the surgical clinic to have Riley’s catheter removed after his hypospadias surgery. After a very long wait the doctor finally came in the room. His first reaction was amazement that Riley busted a stabilization stitch. He said he never saw that stitch broken. Leave it to Riley to bust that stitch like the one they told me he could never bust from his pull through surgery. He then ripped the tape and pulled the catheter in one quick motion, Riley was already crying but managed to take it up a few decibels. The doctor then was obviously surprised to see that the catheter came out of a hole that was below the tip and to the right. Panic set in for me, here we go again! Just once I would like some good news! The doctor was calm, but confused. He asked us if we re-inserted the catheter. I would be at the ER so fast if that thing fell out, there would be NO way I would ever attempt anything like that! He told us it will be okay and he wants to see him in two weeks after the swelling goes down to get a better look. Keep any eye on him and everything will be okay. I had many more questions after that but he eased my mind for each. He is the best urologist around.

We took him home and started pushing fluids to him in hopes he would urinate soon. Finally, he said he had to go! On the potty he sat and carefully let it out, my face was right there with a flashlight. Riley started to cry because it burned (expected) but my heart dropped because he was going from the tip AND from a hole to the side. I would have felt better with one hole but two!? immediately I called the doctor’s answering service. When he called back he said he was not worried as long as he was going. He told me to call anytime day or night for any reason. I love his doctor!  That links to his profile at Woman and Children’s Hospital of Buffalo webpage, I believe he has at least 32 years of experience today.  As the evening went on he went more and more and the burning went away. It “looks” like there is only one stream but it could be the two merging.

Riley is sleeping now. From his birth I alway have a little panic while he sleeps (actually when any of them sleep). I will probably check on him in an hour or so just to make sure. Now we wait again…

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After 26 years PBS is closing the book on Reading Rainbow.  From the article on PBS.org, it seems that the television should teach phonics and fundamentals of reading.  Reading Rainbow’s focus was more on why children should read.  Personally, I this will be a big loss for PBS and children who enjoyed the show.  I am not a big PBS fan but they usually do understand how to help foster a love of learning.  Television really should not teach our children, this is the job of parents and teachers.  Television should deliver information, entertainment, and give a taste of what is available in books or the world.

Every morning before school the boys, Isabella and I would watch Reading Rainbow while eating breakfast.  We were all sucked into the stories and lessons learned.  Sometimes one of my children would realize we have a book and later demand we read it.  I even remember and still have recorded the episode that played the day Cole left us.  I cannot watch it but it is there.

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Last Friday while eating dinner Riley came to me and said; “The light-truck is in my belly”.  WHAT!?  I had no idea what he was trying to say (repressing what I really did know).  I asked him to get the truck he was talking about.  He rummages through the mass of toys and bring over a large Matchbox type truck with one headlight missing.  I asked him; “Where is the light Riley?”, “In my belly papa, I’m sorry”, he replies. This happened at 7:05pm.  He said he did it during nap which was between 2pm and 5pm.

After calling his doctor’s after hours line three times I finally get a callback (one and a half hours later!).  They suggested to take him in for X-Rays.  I was too late to take him to the immediate care place so downtown we went to Children’s hospital, again!

When we arrived the place was packed!  Three hours later there was us and another … family left in the waiting room.  Getting to talk to the doctor she told us that there was no way the light would show up on an X-Ray (I ripped off the other light from the truck to show them the size and shape).  Told me to look for blood or pain and sent us away.  I thought that was what triage was for!?

He is fine and and no signs of blood or pain.  His doctor saw him this Monday too and was not worried at all.

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I don’t know how to explain it so I won’t.  Since Cole passed, life has been flipped upside down, stretched, smashed and spit back out for me to deal with.  I have my family to take care of, my parents to help, and work constantly nagging at me.  People seem to think that after a month you pick up and move on.  “What could possibly be your problem?”  I hear people complaining about the most ridiculous things, sad because someone moved away or upset about how they cannot get something they want.  I have nothing to say about that or to them.  Let them live their miserable lives worried about the meaningless things they suffer for and about.

I now know the feeling a parent suffers when the hand of God strikes down their child, the anger and pain stirred up by losing the most dear thing to their existence.  I cannot forgive that, not now, not yet, not here.  I give everything and get this in return; a hole in my life that will only be filled by seeing my son again on my dying day or the cold earth dumped over my head like I did for my son.  Life is not fair, nobody said it was.  My other children suffer too at His hand.  Lucky they will move on, I hope they manage to avoid the pains I now endure everyday.  Maybe I should not be writing this here; I guess I don’t really care.

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I started this post but never finished it.  Well, I cannot say much right now.

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Tomorrow my son will be going for another surgery.  This time he will have his ureters removed, tapered and reincerted into the upper part of his bladder.  I do not know how much I explained already but they are doing this because he has reflux from his bladder back to his kidneys.  This is breaking down the function of the kidneys.  So far (either from birth or over time) one kidney is not very functional while the other seems to be okay.

I cannot write anymore about it but he is scheduled to begin his surgery tomorrow Monday September 22 at 12:30pm.  I am already going nuts.

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My son has his next surgery coming up next Monday Sept 22nd.  It is not going to be a good one.  He is older now (2 years) and knows what is going on.  He is also very active and will not be happy being in bed for two weeks.  I’ll try to post more about it later or even after it’s done.  We have soccer and gymnastics today I don’t want to spoil the fun.

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We all took a trip to Darien Lake yesterday. Everyone had a blast especially in the water park.

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